I dreamt that my brother and I were travelling together, and were staying at a hotel. At one point, I found myself lost in the building. I didn’t know how to get back to our room. I knew that my brother knew the way back, but I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was lost. I went into an adjacent room, where I had a better view of the whole building from the window. I could see where our room was, and finally made my way back, where my brother was waiting for me. I felt that he knew that I had been lost, but he didn’t say anything. Anyway, the room was larger than other rooms in the hotel, and I made a mental note to book the same room on our next trip. I then went outside for a walk, and soon was interrupted by an old man, nearly blind and crippled, who asked if I could help him get to his appointment in another building. Although I felt a bit annoyed by his request, I agreed and took his hand and started leading him down the path. The way soon turned quite treacherous, with steep slippery banks, and I held tightly to the old man’s hand so he wouldn’t fall. The path turned very muddy, and at one point the old man’s boots sunk into the mud and he couldn’t move. After quite a struggle, and with me still holding his hand, he finally freed himself. Then the path ran into a bog, with water over our shoes, and I told him that we would get our feet soaked if we continued. The water was even deeper off to the side, and without warning, the old man dove in, with me still holding his hand. His arm stretched like rubber, and I watched in fascination as he moved through the water like a dolphin, fishing with his bare hands. It was like he had sonar. Then I started to feel the presence of a luscious loving soothing sensation around me and in me, I recognized this (I knew I had experienced it before) as the unconditionally loving creative force that is always in us (as us) and around us, but the experience of the presence of which is clouded and sometimes completely hidden by the ego, with all its learned fears, guilt and shame. It felt like the beginning of a long-awaited homecoming, and it brought tears of joy to my eyes. Then I looked off into the distance, and I could see a clear and dry path to our destination.
YOUR ESSENTIAL (TRUE) SELF vs. YOUR CONDITIONED (FALSE) SELF Your false self (ego) does not know the truth that there is no death. Your true self knows that it is eternal. Your false self believes in guilt, which it itself has created. Your true self sees innocence everywhere. Your false self does not understand love. Your true self is unconditional Love, which is God. Your false self believes in victimhood. Your true self knows that you have created your current situation, for reasons that will eventually be known to you. The Universe is pure unconditional love. There is absolutely no guilt and no judgment. We are all manifestations of the Universe in physical form. Therefore, we are pure love, too. When we perceive any guilt in ourselves or in another, we are seeing through the eyes of the ego (a temporary creation of our minds), rather than our true selves, which is Spirit. Spirit is eternal.
By training and profession, I’m a scientist, not a theologian. However, scientists don’t ignore evidence, and the evidence presented to me during my tumultuous spiritual journey has convinced me of the reality of Jesus and the power of unconditional love. I won’t go into details (they’re in my book). I just want to say that I had to banish the judgmental, jealous, punishing ego-based deity of the Old Testament from my psyche and gain a new understanding of Jesus and his message. I firmly believe that Jesus, who is my hero, went willingly to an agonizing physical death on the cross, was resurrected in a spiritual body, and continues to be available to help those who are struggling to discover their own worth. I will remain forever grateful for what he has revealed to me. There is nothing to fear, because we are loved unconditionally, and our spirit is eternal. Happy Easter!
I was going through another tough time. Although I had finally come to understand that the fundamentalist and judgmental image of God instilled in me during my upbringing was the cause of a great deal of my suffering, I seemed to be powerless to rid my psyche of this harmful deity. As a consequence, my depression, fueled by very low self-esteem, continued. In an effort to lift my spirits, I decided to accompany my wife, our younger daughter and our daughter’s friend on a weekend getaway south of the border. During the drive down, I dared to mentally confront my oppressive god-image, angrily expressing my disdain for its continued presence within me. I called it every nasty name in the book. This seemed to make me feel a bit better. However, that night I lay awake in our hotel room, unable to sleep. The next day, after breakfast, we toured several stalls displaying beautiful local art for sale. I made an effort to maintain an optimistic outlook, and decided to focus on appreciating the artwork. Suddenly, my mind was filled with an amazing depth of spiritual knowledge. I saw the incredibly intricate interconnections between the various events of my life. I saw how my own thoughts and actions had created my personal reality. I knew that I had more power than I had ever dreamed possible, and I knew that I was divine. My depression lifted immediately, and I felt incredibly calm, with a deep sense of self-acceptance and love. It was a beautiful and extremely comforting feeling. However, my grasp of this intricate web of knowledge was very fleeting and disappeared almost as soon as it had come. At the time, this did not bother in the least, because I knew that I had seen the truth of my real identity which could never be taken from me. I later tried to understand how I had seen this truth, but the thought patterns I had experienced were far too intricate for reconstruction and the effort to do so caused me further mental anguish. Finally, I came to simply accept the experience as a gift, which has been of immeasurable help to my healing.
I am an infinitesimally tiny speck in an infinitely large universe, and yet I am loved, completely and unconditionally. You are, too. How cool is that?
Asia Bibi is a Pakistani Christian who spent several years on death row for the alleged crime of blasphemy, specifically insulting Islam’s Prophet Muhammad. She was recently acquitted by Pakistan’s supreme court, which ruled that the evidence against her was unreliable. However, in negotiations with Pakistan’s fundamentalist Islamic political party, the government agreed to prevent her from leaving the country in order to quell protests by radical Muslims, who continue to call for her death. Asia applied to the British government for asylum, but her application has reportedly been rejected in a shocking and callous display of cowardice.
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/britain-not-prepared-to-offer-asylum-to-persecuted-pakistani-christian_uk_5be3342be4b0dbe871a61b95 . Asia Bibi’s current whereabouts have not been made public. You can read her story in her own words in “Blasphemy: A Memoir” by Asia Bibi as told to Anne-Isabelle Tollet, published by Chicago Review Press. Quite often I find myself thinking about, or rather remembering, the incredible depth of God’s love, and I am moved to tears. Anyone who hasn’t experienced this love in a deeply personal way cannot really appreciate what I am talking about. I think my own experience must be similar to that reported by those who underwent a near death experience and returned to their everyday lives changed to their very core by the love in which they were immersed during their experience. A profound experience of divine love heals mental illness by eliminating fear, including fear of death. It frees one to truly live. What a gift! Thanks be to God.
I read Rudolph Otto’s book “The Idea of the Holy” many years ago, quite early on in my spiritual struggle. I appreciated his emphasis on both the numinous character and the moral perfection of the Divine. At the time, I felt that all religions shared a similar appreciation and understanding of the holiness or sacredness of God. However, when I more recently became familiar with the roots and teachings of Islam, I was forced to conclude that Islam’s God, Allah, as depicted in many parts of the Quran and other Islamic scripture, is not holy. A god who orders his subjects to hate, and even kill, non-Muslims is not holy. A god who describes the Jewish people as "the vilest of all creatures" and "descendants of apes and pigs" is not holy. I could go on and on, for the Quran and Hadiths are full of examples of Allah’s unholiness. So when I see pictures of devout Muslims touching their foreheads to the ground in reverence to their unholy god, I feel sad. There are undoubtedly a great many nominal Muslims who are simply ignorant of the nature of Muhammad’s Allah, but devout Muslims should know better. The fact that they don’t means that they don’t appreciate or understand true holiness. If they understood, they would know that Allah of the Quran is not worthy of veneration, and is simply a creation of Muhammad's ego.
Several years ago, I was going through a very rough period of depression. I often spent long nights in an outbuilding (equipped with bunk beds and a washroom) so that my wife could sleep more peacefully. One snowy evening, I felt a need for an even greater separation from my family, and so I drove to our cottage, accompanied by our dog. After lighting the wood stove for warmth, I lay on the bed in the dark and allowed myself to feel a quite extraordinary pain – the pain of completely acknowledging the devastating consequences to my psyche from not having been loved by my mother for simply being me – her son. I had subconsciously recognized this from an early age and had struggled throughout my childhood to earn her love, not understanding that the unconditional love required by a child must be freely given and cannot be earned. Although I had felt the stirrings of the pain related to my mother’s emotional neglect on several occasions over the course of my illness, I had never before allowed myself to fully experience it. But this time was different. The pain was truly excruciating, and I sobbed and moaned uncontrollably. As a child, I could not allow myself to feel it, because it could literally have killed me. Now, as an adult, the pain itself could no longer kill me, but still I did not know how I could possibly deal with it. I simply did not have the resources within me.
Suddenly I experienced a completely unexpected miracle. I heard two very distinct sharp knocks, like a fist on a wooden door, coming from thin air directly in front of my face – “knock, knock”. Let me state unequivocally that this was not a hallucination created by the ego, nor was it due to an organic brain disease or a side-effect of drugs (I had not been taking any medication for some time). I knew right away that this was a communication from the Divine. It would be difficult for me to overstate its significance. What sprang immediately to mind was the Bible verse, “Knock, and it shall be opened to you”, and I responded desperately by mentally returning the knock. I lay awake pondering this event for the rest of the night, and drove home the next morning, still feeling rather down, but with a renewed sense of hope and determination. Nine years have passed, and I feel very blessed. I have been given a personal experience of Revelation 3:20 : “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me”. I am so grateful for having been graced with the knowledge of Jesus’ loving presence. |
AuthorRobert Keith's work focuses on the healing of mental illness, particularly where such illness has been fostered by fundamentalist religion. He and his wife have raised four children. As a family, they were always open about Robert’s own struggles and their individual spiritual journeys. Robert is now semi-retired but continues to offer spiritual counseling. Archives
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