Several years ago, I was going through a very rough period of depression. I often spent long nights in an outbuilding (equipped with bunk beds and a washroom) so that my wife could sleep more peacefully. One snowy evening, I felt a need for an even greater separation from my family, and so I drove to our cottage, accompanied by our dog. After lighting the wood stove for warmth, I lay on the bed in the dark and allowed myself to feel a quite extraordinary pain – the pain of completely acknowledging the devastating consequences to my psyche from not having been loved by my mother for simply being me – her son. I had subconsciously recognized this from an early age and had struggled throughout my childhood to earn her love, not understanding that the unconditional love required by a child must be freely given and cannot be earned. Although I had felt the stirrings of the pain related to my mother’s emotional neglect on several occasions over the course of my illness, I had never before allowed myself to fully experience it. But this time was different. The pain was truly excruciating, and I sobbed and moaned uncontrollably. As a child, I could not allow myself to feel it, because it could literally have killed me. Now, as an adult, the pain itself could no longer kill me, but still I did not know how I could possibly deal with it. I simply did not have the resources within me.
Suddenly I experienced a completely unexpected miracle. I heard two very distinct sharp knocks, like a fist on a wooden door, coming from thin air directly in front of my face – “knock, knock”. Let me state unequivocally that this was not a hallucination created by the ego, nor was it due to an organic brain disease or a side-effect of drugs (I had not been taking any medication for some time). I knew right away that this was a communication from the Divine. It would be difficult for me to overstate its significance. What sprang immediately to mind was the Bible verse, “Knock, and it shall be opened to you”, and I responded desperately by mentally returning the knock. I lay awake pondering this event for the rest of the night, and drove home the next morning, still feeling rather down, but with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
Nine years have passed, and I feel very blessed. I have been given a personal experience of Revelation 3:20 : “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me”. I am so grateful for having been graced with the knowledge of Jesus’ loving presence.
Suddenly I experienced a completely unexpected miracle. I heard two very distinct sharp knocks, like a fist on a wooden door, coming from thin air directly in front of my face – “knock, knock”. Let me state unequivocally that this was not a hallucination created by the ego, nor was it due to an organic brain disease or a side-effect of drugs (I had not been taking any medication for some time). I knew right away that this was a communication from the Divine. It would be difficult for me to overstate its significance. What sprang immediately to mind was the Bible verse, “Knock, and it shall be opened to you”, and I responded desperately by mentally returning the knock. I lay awake pondering this event for the rest of the night, and drove home the next morning, still feeling rather down, but with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
Nine years have passed, and I feel very blessed. I have been given a personal experience of Revelation 3:20 : “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me”. I am so grateful for having been graced with the knowledge of Jesus’ loving presence.
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