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BreadCaster's Blog

How I Know That Jesus Lives

4/2/2018

 
Several years ago, I was going through a very rough period of depression. I often spent long nights in an outbuilding (equipped with bunk beds and a washroom) so that my wife could sleep more peacefully. One snowy evening, I felt a need for an even greater separation from my family, and so I drove to our cottage, accompanied by our dog. After lighting the wood stove for warmth, I lay on the bed in the dark and allowed myself to feel a quite extraordinary pain – the pain of completely acknowledging the devastating consequences to my psyche from not having been loved by my mother for simply being me – her son. I had subconsciously recognized this from an early age and had struggled throughout my childhood to earn her love, not understanding that the unconditional love required by a child must be freely given and cannot be earned. Although I had felt the stirrings of the pain related to my mother’s emotional neglect on several occasions over the course of my illness, I had never before allowed myself to fully experience it. But this time was different. The pain was truly excruciating, and I sobbed and moaned uncontrollably. As a child, I could not allow myself to feel it, because it could literally have killed me. Now, as an adult, the pain itself could no longer kill me, but still I did not know how I could possibly deal with it. I simply did not have the resources within me.

Suddenly I experienced a completely unexpected miracle. I heard two very distinct sharp knocks, like a fist on a wooden door, coming from thin air directly in front of my face – “knock, knock”. Let me state unequivocally that this was not a hallucination created by the ego, nor was it due to an organic brain disease or a side-effect of drugs (I had not been taking any medication for some time). I knew right away that this was a communication from the Divine. It would be difficult for me to overstate its significance. What sprang immediately to mind was the Bible verse, “Knock, and it shall be opened to you”, and I responded desperately by mentally returning the knock. I lay awake pondering this event for the rest of the night, and drove home the next morning, still feeling rather down, but with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
​
Nine years have passed, and I feel very blessed. I have been given a personal experience of Revelation 3:20 : “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me”. I am so grateful for having been graced with the knowledge of Jesus’ loving presence.

Tragedy in Las Vegas

10/6/2017

 
​Many families and friends are grieving deeply for loved ones killed in Las Vegas. My heart goes out to them. Exactly why the 64-year-old perpetrator acted as he did remains unclear, but he was suffering from mental illness. He was depressed and had been given a prescription for anxiety. I feel certain that his illness was due to child abuse (similar to what created HItler). For this reason, I also feel sorry for the shooter. Had he recognized the roots of his distress, he might have been able to experience self-compassion, which is crucial to healing. Reportedly, his father was a bank robber on the FBI's most-wanted list. ISIS is claiming that the shooter had converted to Islam several months ago, but have provided no real backup for this claim.

​The shooter had accumulated worldly wealth, and was a gambling "high roller", but he did not love himself, for anyone who truly loves himself can never intentionally harm anyone. Only the sick, impermanent ego could believe that harming another accomplishes anything. The shooter had lost contact with his true self, his inner child. We were all created in the image of the Divine, pure and innocent, in love with both ourselves and the world. Then things happened, largely beyond our control, that caused us to lose our connection to our innate divinity. Many of us were taught that we are “by nature sinful and unclean”. We were raised in an environment where love was conditional on our acting in certain ways and achieving or believing certain things. We developed an ego that feared rather than trusted. Some of us became angry, hateful and vengeful. In extreme cases, we may have decided to strike out at the world. All of these reactions are products of the ego, but the ego is not who we really are. The ego has forgotten that our true self is a divine and eternal being. This is true for each and every one of us. As Neale Donald Walsch has written, “Hitler went to heaven”. So, too, has the Las Vegas shooter.

What Jesus Means to Me

11/19/2016

 
As a child, I was indoctrinated into fundamentalist Christianity which taught me that I was sinful and unclean by nature, and that if I didn't believe that Jesus died as a sacrifice to make me acceptable to God, I would be damned to hell for all eternity. When I later came to doubt the existence of such a punitive God, I began to see Jesus as simply a "good man" who died for his beliefs. However, during my subsequent spiritual journey in search of inner peace (described in detail in my book, Kundalini and the Morning Star), Jesus gradually took on vitally important new meaning for me. Early on in my active journey, as I was struggling to deal with panic attacks, I dreamed that I was swimming in a dense fog, and could see nothing but a faint light in the distance. Beside me was someone, whom I didn't recognize, trying to guide me to the light. I later came to accept that this dream personage was Jesus. Not long after, as I was questioning the validity of the Bible, I opened the New Testament at random, as a sort of test, and read the first words I saw - the words of Jesus: "Take up your cross daily, and follow me". When I then started researching the real Jesus, and discovered the "Gnostic Gospels", in particular the Gospel of Thomas, I was excited to learn that the salvation offered by Jesus involved an inner journey rather than simply a belief in sacrificial death. I am not saying that Jesus did not willingly die on the cross, but I am saying that his death was not a prerequisite for our becoming acceptable to God. As a result of his own spiritual journey, Jesus understood that salvation lay in uncovering the true self that is denied in childhood as a result of various untruths we are taught and outright abuse to which we are subjected, either in this or a past life. We who later suffer from mental illness were denied our birthright in childhood, which is unconditional love that fosters self-love. Coming to grips with the devastating consequences to my own psyche was a long and painful process. Indeed, I had already been struggling for many years (with difficult times thankfully interspersed with healing events bringing periods of relative calm and tranquility) when, at perhaps my lowest point, the spirit of Jesus intervened in a completely unexpected manner (as described in my book). As a result, I can now proclaim that Jesus is my savior. I love him and consider myself to be his disciple.

The Importance of Acknowledging One's Innocence

11/6/2016

 
My wife and I traveled to Canada to spend several weeks visiting with our beautiful new granddaughter. Staring into her completely innocent eyes triggered something, and I became depressed and could not sleep. Similar to my previous experiences, my depression was largely driven by obsessive negative thinking about myself. However, my previous experiences had also taught me that these "bad" thoughts had no basis in ultimate reality.  I knew they were simply the product of an ego that had been deeply wounded in childhood, and that in God's eyes I was as innocent and as lovable as my dear granddaughter. I knew that I would always be as God had made me. Acknowledging the truth of my own absolute innocence rapidly lifted my depression, and I was able to enjoy the final two weeks of our stay in Canada.

Similar to what I experienced during past depressive episodes, this particular episode also brought an unexpected gift. In the midst of the pain, I had a profound realization of the truth of Jesus' words when he said "The kingdom of heaven is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it". I did see it, briefly, and it was magnificent.    

Sadly, Not All Parents Are Able to Truly Love Their Children

10/31/2016

 
Last night I dreamed that I saw a little girl slip off the edge of a pier and disappear beneath the waves. I rushed to the spot and dove in. Visibility was very limited and I desperately felt around for her. Finally, I located her and pulled her to the surface. Laying her on her back on the ground, I performed mouth to mouth resuscitation, although I was concerned that my breath might not be all that fresh. Thankfully, she opened her eyes immediately - she had apparently inhaled very little water. I looked around for her parents, but they were nowhere to be seen. I knew that they knew she had almost drowned, and it really bothered me that they were apparently unconcerned about her welfare. This dream was a stark reminder that some children are raised in abusive environments by caregivers who aren't truly loving and giving of themselves. Unfortunately, such children will suffer the consequences of low self-esteem and associated mental illness in later life. Healing for them can be a very difficult journey. I hope I am able to help.

    Author

    Robert Keith Rinne's work focuses on the healing of mental illness, particularly where such illness has been fostered by fundamentalist religion. He and his wife have raised four children. As a family, they were always open about Robert’s own struggles and their individual spiritual journeys. Robert is now semi-retired but continues to offer spiritual counseling.

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